I’m Mr Boombastic, say me fantastic (return of the Cern…ovich)

This is just the point where I throw in the towel and admit I’ve become as weird as that guy who devoted years of blogging to a point by point rebuttal of the “Left Behind ” novels, with precisely zero effect on their sales. And he at least had the excuse of thinking they were misrepresenting God. Or all the girls who made a career of hating “Twilight.” And so, as a dog that returns to its vomit, I return now to Mike Cernovich, my own personal “Left Behind” and “Twilight” rolled into one.

In this article, the Mikester is himself commenting on another article by some blogger(s) called the Wall Street Playboys (none of these guys are exactly shrinking violets, are they?).


“What happens when you become successful?”

(I dunno, you buy a big house, drive around in a Jag, partner up with other rich guys to buy racehorses?)

“Success is relative, although I’ve reached my definition.”

(“I mean, come on, look at how I totally owned Seth Rogan on Twitter. Julius Caesar himself would have envied me!”)

“I don’t delete comments because people disagree. I delete comments and block people who are stupid.”

(“Especially stupid people who disagree that I am successful.”)

“I stopped arguing with people. At some point a person’s life is his argument.”

(So…your life is full of huge leaps of logic and rarely supported by any kind of evidence? Because that’s what a lot of your arguments seem to be like.)

“I have no interest in explaining myself.”

(You’re awfully active on social media for someone with no interest in explaining yourself.)

“I even stopped doing business with some friends because they wanted to argue with me about online marketing. I’m among the 10 best in the world…”

(Citation. Fucking. Needed.)

“…and yet people would expect me to explain every move I’d make to their satisfaction. Nope.”

(“You want me to explain what I’m going to be doing with all this money you’ll be giving me to market your company? Damn your impudence, sir, and begone!”)

“I’m too busy making moves to talk about bullshit, and I expect those who talk to me to similarly be busy…If you eliminate gossip, what is there to talk about?”

(“You may have sadly shaken your heads at hopelessly nerdy men on advice forums who “can’t see the point of small talk” then complain about lacking a social life, but I assure you that in spite of having the same attitude, I’m much cooler!” And the Mikester does seem very fond of “making moves.” He’s always “making moves”, as if he were suffering from a nervous tic.)

“What’s left when you stop letting people talk about their childhoods or how their parents failed them decades ago?”

(I dunno, all the friends that you didn’t meet in group therapy?)

“I get furious at people who waste my time, especially when they ask me cheap-ass questions about whether to buy a $10 domain or $100 hosting plan for a website.”

(“Ugh, you’re just far too small-time to be a friend of mine, with your petty $100 problems!”)

“I get offered investors almost every day, but that means I’d have a boss and people breathing down my neck about profits and losses.”

(“Profits and losses? What do you think this is, some kind of business? Don’t you know that in the New Internet Paradigm (TM) profit and loss is meaningless? No that totally isn’t what everyone was saying before the Great Dot Com Bubble of 2000 burst!”)

“People ask me if I ever sleep because I’m so productive. I sleep 9-10 hours a day. When I’m on, it’s hardcore.”

(“OOOH! AAAH! MMM, YES, YES, BABY!” OK, I realise”hardcore” does have a meaning for Americans that isn’t porn-related, but you don’t get to avoid the joke just because several hundred million other people might have said the thing. As Mike Cernovich shows regularly, American English provides great opportunities for overblown machismo for those who wish to use it that way.)

“If you want to learn more about how to become successful, read my book.”

(The plug. Inevitable, although for me about as welcome as the kind you’re supposed to shove up your bottom for enhanced sexual pleasure. And butt plugs have a much more proven record of doing what they claim than “Gorillas in the Mist” or whatever it’s called).




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